No ego, no emotion, just poker!

On 5-12-12 I deposited $200 on Carbon Poker after pretty much avoiding online post BF (Black Friday, April 14, 2011). The first day back I was lucky enough to get a 3rd in the 11c for 1k. I was afraid to deposit to much still having the bitter taste in my mouth thanks to BF, Full Tilt, and Absolute Poker. I had a few ups and downs over a course of a few days and then got 2nd place back to back days in the $33 3k. I had gotten my online BR up to 1.8k in about a week. I was feeling pretty good and was very happy that I got off to a good start because if that first $200 would have gone sour, I am not sure what I would have done. 


I then spent the next week playing a little to high for a 1.8k BR and it cost me $200-300 a day. I was apparently having a hard time adjusting to the smaller fields and different structures. The growing pains of it all along with my stubborn nature, and my impatience helped me run my 1.8k slowly back down to what I deposited. I wasn't going crazy and playing real high though, I was just playing a little to high and that is all it takes. I was mostly playing $33fr and under, $11r and under, and not many tables at a time. But it was costing a little to much and I was wanting it to quickly. Everything seemed okay and I felt like I was going to pull out of the small funk everyday. But after a few days of just not getting there I got down so low I had to adjust on a bigger scale. I mean I was slowly adjusting daily as my roll got smaller but I finally reached a point where I had to make a bigger adjustment. 


The last couple days before actually getting back to the deposit amount I got unlucky several times and my mindset started turning for the worst. I logged off with the realization that I couldn't keep going at that pace, and that I was not going to play again until my head was in a better spot. I knew I could play within my BR and make good decisions. It was one of my biggest strengths in 2010 as I built my roll. I watched several players and some close friends go on a small heater to then get a big head and play outside of their roll until going broke. Chasing that upside of variance they tasted instead of realizing what had happened, owning it, and playing within their means.  


When I logged off my last session I had decided I was done until I knew I could play and focus correctly. Oddly enough that time came later on the same evening after a good talk with a friend and some self realizations. My first decision to play wasn't brilliant, I decided to play one table of 100NL on a short buy while still chatting with my friend. I managed an early double before deciding I was still wanting it to fast and I needed drop levels. I knew the 100NL was a mistake and I decided I would be happier playing .25 NL. I switched over and one tabled while watching a couple movies. I was also still chatting with my friend through Skype and he was kind enough to go over hands with me every time I had any question about my line or sizing. I really enjoyed the relaxed atmosphere and I had fun playing that session.


2005 to 2010 I used to play poker on a laptop in my recliner while watching television all the time. In 2010 when I chose to stop losing at online poker I played my sessions on a table converted into a desk with a more professional approach. I think this was very good for me and helped me learn how serious you need to take it to get the desired results. I think a more professional approach is the best way to go. Good work habits and taking things more serious, should provide better results. 


At the end of my recent downswing I reached a point where I couldn't get off the tables fast enough, I was done, I felt unlucky and defeated. Luckily it was just a feeling and a moment of weakness and I was able to get past it. Letting myself get that weak is just plain silly, I love poker. Playing later that night in front of the television while being very relaxed was good for me. I still played well and was focusing, but I wasn't hanging on every card and for some reason the distraction of the movie helped me. After the movies I was still raring to go and wanted to keep playing so I moved back to the table/desk where I plug my macbookpro into  27" Apple cinema display and loaded up 6 tables and grinded out a session. 


For some reason I felt like I had been reset, like someone took a pin and found a small hole in the back of my head and clicked my reset button. I was happier, thinking better, and way more relaxed. I am not 100% sure what clicked, but just that time spent enjoying myself and still playing helped me grow. Maybe mostly it was the decision to quit chasing the big score so fast and just grind what I could afford. I knew if I played within my roll I could build it up. I definitely didn't think playing in front of the television was the answer, but somehow the decision to play that night helped and worked. 


The next day I woke up and started talking with the guys in the poker chat for a while and then went over a few hands that were posted on P5s and 2+2. I was really enjoying poker again. Don't get me wrong I was enjoying it the days before, but my enjoyment was more real, and filled with more realistic expectations that did nothing but help. I played a session that involved four MTTs at a time and two cash tables of .25NL. I cashed in 2 out of 13 MTTs with one final table and played about 1k hands of cash. I was a little unlucky in my last 15 hands of cash and to get 3rd in the MTT when I felt I was the best player, but I was very happy with my day and felt a whole lot better than I did mid day the day before. 


I think trying to be honest with myself, admit my faults, and then try to overcome them helped me immensely and set me on a better path. Never stop trying to improve and always be honest with your self, good luck all.